One benefit of the long-drawn Covid19 lockdown was the luxury of time, allowing me to sort through boxes to organize or declutter memorabilia and files from work. Rummaging through old calendars, I flipped through the year 2002. On that particular day – February 2, 2002 – a small breast mass was discovered by chance on routine check, that turned out to be an invasive adenocarcinoma. Small but terrible, it made me opt for surgery and chemotherapy, through many prayers and pray overs. These last played a huge part for us when a few months into my chemotherapy, my husband Francis was found to have Stage IV lung cancer. That year was the Big One for us, of Tsunami proportions! Through all that I went on with my life.
It’s probably part of coping to bury oneself in work, for distraction. I continued my service rounds in PGH post-up, not breaking the daily pattern for the last 25 years since residency and marriage. We were married just before starting my pediatric residency. My husband enrolled in an MBA course initially in UP Manila while waiting for me to get off duty in PGH. As I completed residency, Francis obtained his MBA in Diliman.
Fast forward to 2002, we already had three grown sons in their college years. That same year we were confronted with the big C – Francis and I took care of each other although for the most part I took care of him for about 40 months until he passed away in 2005. Another twenty-four years later, I am now a survivor, in good health by God’s grace.
When asked about how I managed to cope with my crisis in 2002, and the subsequent years, I would just say that it’s a built-in survival system that we all have. But we only get to test how we cope when we’re thrown right into it, on the spot. We do have every kind of crisis in our lives for practice – a flat tire, loss of a prized possession, getting our accounts hacked, failing an exam, being rejected for a position aspired for. These minor mishaps sharpen our tools and come to our rescue when faced with a serious situation – such as being confronted by a patient in shock or seizing, or emergencies like fires and vehicular accidents.
Culturally, particularly with women who are equipped for childbirth and child rearing, we can handle unexpected downturns and disasters in our adult life.
So, what was in my survival tool kit?
First, my friends know I am a calm person, I’m usually cool and collected most of the time, except when I’m driving and someone cuts me.
Secondly, I realized that from early years I was blest (we all are blest in many ways) and I always knew that God will always take care of me. We call it Faith – That God will always provide for all my needs and that of my family. I have three sons, and four grandchildren. I often heard Francis say GOD WILL PROVIDE!
And how does that work? How does my faith work for me? How did it help me through those difficult times? I looked up to models in my life, from family and friends to heroes who exhibited lives of courage. There are also my constant companions, the Saints. Even living saints among friends who are still around.
Aside from heavenly Saints like Padre Pio and my earthly models I would include the Angels that cross my path when I find myself in a difficult situation. Those who took care of me and Francis were our angels. Even when I lost my way in strange places without the benefit of Waze or Google Map then during my duty trips. Soon after my surgery, my surgeon invited me to join a support group called Breast Friends. It helped tide me over the hump. Later, we also formed a similar group among colleagues in PGH who were similarly struck with breast cancer, to provide support and kinship.
Thirdly, being cheerful and optimistic helped. I look for the funny or lighter side of things, instead of griping. I was advised to watch more funny shows like I Love Lucy for the laughter and lightheartedness of comedy. Seeking the company of happy people or people with happy dispositions can lift you up. It does not help to be around those who are gloomy or grumpy with the weight of the world on their shoulders. I surrounded myself more with cheerful people, going to reunions as often as I can, where there is a lot of laughter, nostalgia and happy memories!
The Sweet Spot. Of course, there’s work and serious business to manage. There’s still a lot of work to do, even as a doctor and teacher in retirement, such as mentoring and community involvement. When there’s work to be done, I give it my best shot. I kept busy with lectures and schoolwork. I found leisure at every chance. Like traveling, even local trips, to see new places. I follow the advice to have a hobby like sewing even if it takes me twenty years to do one piece of quilt. I tried gardening during the lockdown, watching seeds grow. We read a lot of tips on social media that make sense – like using your best dishes, perfumes, clothes, eating well, going on food adventures and avoid sitting too long. There’s always room for exercise, lots of sunshine, and walking with friends. We can learn something new like meeting new friends. Those unopened gifts from their boxes can be shared – that others would treasure.
Lastly, connected with being blest, we show gratitude to God and to the people around us. I am truly grateful that I have gone this far in life, blest with my family and good friends, able to pursue my goals even in retirement, and grateful that I have these blessings to share.
QUOTES TO LIVE BY
Those who bring sunshine to the lives of others cannot keep it from themselves. — Sir James Barrie, author of Peter Pan)
I have found that most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be. — Abraham Lincoln, 16th President of the United States, 1809-1865
As we approach the Lenten Season let’s keep these in mind:
According to St John Vianney, God commands you to pray. But He forbids you to worry.
Joy with peace is the sister of charity. Serve the Lord with LAUGHTER.
The Lord sometimes makes you feel the weight of the cross. Although the weight seems intolerable, you are able to carry it, because the Lord, in his love and mercy, extends a hand to you and gives you strength.
St Padre Pio said, Pray, hope and don’t worry. God is merciful and will hear your prayer.
About the author
TELLY HIDALGO HOW is a retired pediatrician and professor of pharmacology at the University of the Philippines, College of Medicine. Born and raised in Naga City, her parents were Dr. Jesus F Hidalgo, medical practitioner, and Soledad Dato Hidalgo, columnist and writer. She graduated from Colegio de Sta. Isabel, High School in 1965. She completed her medical degree from UP College of Medicine in 1974. She is an Emeritus Professor in UP.