I will turn 75 years old on January 17, 2024.

Like many of my Ateneo ’71 classmates, I have reached the age of grace. The rough stones that we were when we started out, have been polished by years of unconditional love and unwavering faith of family and friends on earth and a Father in heaven who didn’t give up on us.

Personally, they gave me boundless hope and the will not to drown in my river of tears over the years.

We are alive at 75, wounded and scarred, but alive beyond the life expectancy of 69 years for Filipino men.

We fought our battles, weathered our storms, learned from our mistakes, dealt with our depressions, endured persecutions and embraced betrayals with a more forgiving heart like Jesus. We survived. And we thrived with every pain that only made us stronger.

Without a supportive family and true friends in our faith journey, there would have been no point in living, in not quitting, and in not standing up again after each fall.

Success, money, power and glory are meaningless and empty at the end of our days without the people we love who just won’t give on us.

FIGHTING POVERTY

Most of my life I’ve struggled to fight poverty within and around me. Material, spiritual and social poverty that defined my early life were the source of inspiration for me to help start and spread Couples for Christ, Youth for Christ, Singles for Christ, and Gawad Kalinga in our country and abroad.

MENTAL POVERTY

In the last decade, however, emotional and mental poverty nearly killed me and destroyed the legacy of goodness I built with countless unsung heroes and saints who fought hard not to leave the less loved and less served behind.

STATE OF HEALTH

This week I shared with our class my most recent medical diagnosis after seven competent specialists at Makati Medical Center thoroughly examined me.

I am being treated for severe depression and body and brain inflammation, with diabetes and heart complications.

My brain doctor wants to prevent the onset of early dementia due to the severe depression I suffered seven years ago which recurred recently due to serious stress and threats.

My heart doctor wants to address my hypertension, arrhythmia, dyslipidimia and atrial fibrillation that may provoke a stroke or a heart attack. Dr. Dante Morales himself is a good example of an able 85-year-old doctor who joyfully heals others despite his own woundedness after losing his wife only recently.

Another amazing 85-year healer is my specialist for psoriasis and psychosis, Dr. Vermen Verallo. She shot biologic medicine in my stomach to control the body and brain inflammation and gut leak and stabilize my depression. She would not give me anti-depressant as it would worsen my psoriasis.

Dr. Verallo helped me understand the nature of the insidious disease attacking me from inside and outside. After reading my piece three years ago published by the Ramon Magsaysay Foundation entitled “The Poverty of Old Age,” she invited me to attend a small gathering of medical specialists to help heal me so ” I can do more good.”

That miraculous act of generosity gave me a new lease on life and the will to pursue a new purpose to care for the elderly with renewed passion and energy.

I have been suffering from my auto-immune disease in the last 40 years. But I was able, when I was younger and stronger and busy helping others, to endure the pain, shame and depression silently to spare people I love the burden of my incurable affliction. The scaling, the lesions, the bleeding, the pus, the pain, the depression and erratic behaviour were mine to bear alone.

For the sake of the weak, I could not show that I was a wounded and imperfect leader.

OLD AGE and PSORIASIS

But old age worsened my psoriasis and depression and made it harder for me to cope.

At the height of glory and stress starting in 2016, due to the demands of constant travel and speaking engagements on the global stage, I hit the lowest point in my life. To lessen my pain and scaling, I self-medicated with an overdose of dangerous drugs – methotrexate and a variety of steroids, including prednisone and cortisone. Regular heavy alcohol drinking worsened my condition.

I stayed away from my family to spare them from being hurt with my uncontrolled temper and sharp tongue.

I hurt my team, staff and students with my unusual erratic behavior, which led to publicly shaming or insulting some of them for real or perceived mistakes. I was particularly harsh on male staff and students who were irresponsible and abusive towards female students and young housewives in the community.

I had to leave Enchanted Farm and move to Paraiso Farm in Batangas to find healing and peace, starting with detoxing myself from the dangerous drugs and the stress of a busy public life.

Slowly, I started to find my peace in my space of nothingness.

I found God again at our Serenity Chapel and my daily 5AM prayer time, starting with my online Mass with Fr Tito Caluag, and a new-found devotion to our Blessed Mother with my daily Rosary alone or at night with my wife and daughter.

For a while, I lost my spiritual anchor as a missionary for Couples for Christ, when I became more secular to promote our global social work.

I was no longer hearing God, only myself and the adulation of men. And the anger of the vilifiers.

I found God again by serving the indigent elderly during the Taal eruption and 3 years of the Covid Pandemic. We brought fruits, vegetables and eggs to their homes, particularly those who were bedridden or handicapped.

Caring for the broken-hearted mends our broken heart. Kindness heals the giver and the receiver.

This led to the start of a new journey for us at the Paraiso Blue Zone Farm to take care of the elderly weekly and help prolong their life through prayer, playing bingo and feasting with healthy farm food. Last year we were able to gather over 5,000 Senior Citizens in our activities in Batangas, Payatas and Sitio Ruby.

I found God again in our heroic Batangas Paraiso Core Team, who never stopped caring and sharing with the least and the last.

I found God again through my Couples for Christ and Gawad Kalinga household who never abandoned me in my lowest moments.

More angels came. Paraiso became a Healing Farm, according to a feature in the Philippine Daily Inquirer.

Bobby Joseph, himself suffering from stage 4 cancer in the last five years we were together, inspired me to be a wounded healer. Our Thursday lunch at their home with his wife Ida and two close friends, extended both our life and our will to do more good. I lost my anchor when Bobby died June 13, 2022, but he left me many inspiring memories of faith and patriotism and victory over pain and near-death suffering.

Our Ateneo College ’71 batchmates were angels to the forgotten. We celebrated our College Golden Anniversary at Paraiso in November 2021 and left a long-term gift to feed 100 hungry and lonely elderly monthly for a year in 2022 in Batangas.

How much time do we have left?

How can we still make a difference?

Recently, I met with classmate Sonny Alvendia at his home about celebrating the 75th birthday for most of our classmates and reunion on January 19, 2025, at Paraiso Blue Zone Farm.

It will be our Blue Diamond Celebration.

With a goal to be alive and active at 85.

It may be our last season.

It can be our best season.

Let’s make it:

A time to love.
A time to be joyful.
A time to be grateful.
A time to repent.
A time to forgive.
A time to restore.
A time to heal.
A time to hope.

The Blue Diamond will shine for many generations to come.

The author first shared this reflection with a private chat group on Viber. The header is an artistic representation of the author’s advocacy, The Blue Zone. These are places in the world identified as having the healthiest and longest-living communities. The transformation of Paraiso Farm Village in San Jose, Batangas into a Blue Zone is well under way.

About the author

ANTONIO “TONY” MELOTO is the founder of Gawad Kalinga, a poverty alleviation movement. He was named 2006 “Filipino of the Year” by the Philippine Daily Inquirer. Born in Bacolod, Negros Occidental, he took his senior high school year at De Anza High School in Richmond, California as an American Field Service scholar. He earned a Bachelor of Arts in Economics degree from Ateneo de Manila University and was a full academic scholar. He took a job as a purchasing manager for Procter and Gamble. Meloto became an active member of Couples for Christ in 1985 and rose to leadership, playing a key role in establishing CFC Family Ministries in 1993. In 1995 he began a youth development program for juvenile delinquents in Caloocan. The program evolved into Gawad Kalinga, now a global movement for building sustainable communities within poverty-stricken areas. In 2006 he was awarded the Ramon Magsaysay Award for Community Leadership.