Note to the reader: You can consider this as a follow up to my last article “CLAYGO” if by any chance you read it. But no worry. This one is a stand-alone article.

I have noticed that there are more and more people who display rude and boorish behavior. When we go to buy groceries or eat out, there’s always someone who displays annoying attributes and disturbs the sensibilities of other people near them. Maybe it is my karma to be hounded by annoying furies at this stage of my life.

But seriously. Why are there so many inconsiderate people today? Why do so many people think it’s fine to sneeze loudly in a commuter train without covering the nose, talk in the movie theater, brush their hair while looking at the glass window of a store, or pick their teeth blatantly in a restaurant?

More and more people don’t seem aware of good manners and etiquette in public. Is it simply because we don’t care anymore? Or is it just me being snooty?

Generally, I am a very tolerant person. I do not judge others rashly.  I don’t make a fuss over the way they look or act. I tend to give leeway to people who act differently or behave scandalously. I have mixed and worked with enough weird, rude, crude, and offensive people in my previous life in advertising to fill a 500-page book of stories.

I may have become more socially conservative. My sensibilities have become more fragile. I now get disgusted and draw the line on boorish behavior.

In one of our visits to a mall, I happened to see a male habitue in his late 20s comfortably occupying one of the benches. He was engrossed on his phone, probably playing a video game, oblivious to everything around him. All the other benches were taken but his bench had ample space for others to sit on. Why was no one willing to sit beside him? The reason: he had his right foot perched on the bench; he was absentmindedly rubbing the sole with his right hand.

The guy had unkempt hair and was wearing a loose, ill-fitting sleeveless shirt which was more of a sando (undershirt) over beach shorts. Thankfully, his rubber sandals stayed on the floor. It was the  kind of attire you would normally wear inside your home. I imagined he just got up from his bed and from his place went directly to the mall, not even bothering to brush his teeth and put on a deodorant.

Staring at the fellow, I asked my wife: “pity the poor guy who will sit on that bench when he leaves.” She gave me a look of utter disgust. Then she added: “ano yan, hanggang dito ang sala ng bahay nila?” (how dare he consider this place as part of his house?)

Before you say it’s an isolated incident, I’ve seen a few others, even women mind you, usually in common eating places like food courts:  they put up their feet by force of habit on the chair while casually eating like they were in the dining room of their house.

Like my wife said: “Ang laki ng loob ng bahay nila. Sakop ang mall.” (Can you believe their house is so expansive it includes a mall!)

What about the Pinoy coughs up his phlegm (dahak) or snorts his mucus in a restaurant, or picks his nose or fingers his ear, sips his soft drink loudly and burps loudly even when there are other people. I can go on and on.

More and more Pinoys are starting to feel at home anywhere. So comfortable in making others feel uncomfortable to the point of utter disgust.

I heard people use a pejorative term: iskwak. But I wouldn’t go that way. I am not a matapobre, I do not look at this from the perspective of class.

But boorishness exists in all classes. Even people from the affluent class can be obnoxious. I have seen a high income earning Filipino executive in an SUV stop in the middle of the road to talk to an acquaintance, oblivious to the other cars behind. Consider a low-level government official whose escorts cut into the lane of other vehicles just so he can get ahead. In both instances, they are rude and disgusting.

Do you know that there is such a thing as science of proxemics? It delineates the boundaries of our physical spaces: Intimate (0-2 ft.), Personal (2-4 ft), Social (4-12 ft.) and Public (more than 12 ft.)

I have no business minding what you do inside your house or your room or your car. But places such malls and restaurants are social zones and must be shared. In these zones, our respective personal spaces intersect or cross sect. But even when our unseen personal space bubbles collide with each other, we agree to maintain our distances and not to do anything that would disturb our respective zones of personal space and make others around us uncomfortable.

Sadly, no matter how hard we try to be polite to others and behave in a way that considers their rights, there will always be people who have zero regard for other people. We meet people who are rude, obnoxious, mean, and indifferent. We just scoff or shrug our shoulders and try to distance ourselves from the situation.

Why are we seeing bad behavior in public spaces once governed by sometimes elaborate rules? Do some people today choose to thumb down these rules as signs of class and snobbery?

I see it as a change in the culture of our society.

As we all have experienced, manners have fallen by the wayside on social media which don’t require physical interactions, allowing offensive or rude exchanges with impunity. Unfortunately, we also play a part – government and community leaders, parents as well as media–in the decline of manners and proper etiquette. Lack of civility, poor manners, and lack of etiquette on the part of people who are supposed to be role models sends a powerful message to our youth and they are watching and often imitating bad behavior.

The return of a subject like Good Manners and Right Conduct in our schools is taking the right step. But it should go beyond proxemics and superficial rules of etiquette in public which are universally observed. Our concept of space cannot be defined by the science of proxemics. We are not inclined towards linear measurements or governed by an imposed set of rules. We prefer to navigate our world through our inner sense.

We need get the subject rooted to the level of inherent values to give our young a deeper reason or motivation for observing such rules and practices. They must be in the context of authentic native psychology that is ingrained in our cultural DNA, in our pagkatao (personhood) which can be found in our kalooban (inner self).

I am talking about the values inherent in us that govern the way we Filipinos interact with each other. It’s because what we see now is not the true Pinoy. The purpose is to wade through the muddy waters of cultural imports and imitation and rescue Filipino values from lasting oblivion.

Start and focus on just one value: pakikipag kapwa. To me this is the mother of all our native values, the wellspring of all the other superficial values and behavioral traits that distinguish us from other cultures. The values of hiya, pakikisama, paggalang, pakiramdam, kagandahang loob, konsiderasyon and even bayanihan are all just various expressions and practices of pakikipag-kapwa.

The meaning of pakikipag kapwa is best articulated by Dr. Katrin de Guia in her book “Kapwa.” It is perceiving “the self in the other.” The essence is giving proper respect to the pagkatao of the other in the same way you want him to give respect to the “tao” in you. When you see yourself in the kalooban of the other person you, it goes without saying you become more considerate, careful, tactful in a social space or public place.

I would just leave you with that given the limited space but with kapwa as the central motivation, then I can see hope in bringing back the Pinoy to his true home instead of expanding his “home” to the mall.

Featured image header: Vintage Filipino living room (painting by Bicolana 3D Artist and Illustrator Mayb Escaro)

About the author:

NICK TAYAG is a multi-media writer and communications specialist. His special focus is scriptwriting for audio visual presentations and documentary videos, creative conceptualization and writing think pieces. Now in his early 70s, he is the Creative Consultant of a digital production and event management outfit. He also writes a regular column for the Business Mirror called “My Sixty Zen’s Worth” which comes out every Saturday. His most recent script for a bio documentary on Filipino master filmmaker Gerardo “Manong” de Leon entitled “Salamat sa Alaala,” was nominated for best documentary in the 2016 URIAN awards. As an advertising copywriter in the 1990s, he won recognition from the Creative Guild of the Philippines and the Public Relations Society of the Philippines for ads he wrote for corporate clients. He also won a UNICEF-PPI Award for Outstanding Story On Children. He is presently working on a book on creative conceptualization as well as inspirational booklets.

Nick Tayag’s columns “My Sixty-Zen’s Worth” are published in Business Mirror… https://businessmirror.com.ph/author/nicktayag/